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I think this article is already good (it is, in fact, a
Good Article) but I'm trying to figure out where to focus to take it to the next level. I want to add a little bit more information about Zelda's paintings and improve the final section that mentions her modern interpretations. If anyone has suggestions regarding this, they would be greatly appreciated. General copy-editing, structure, flow concerns -- any of that -- would be adored as well. Also image ideas. Basically any thoughts at all. Thanks,
JayHenry (
talk)
04:09, 8 May 2008 (UTC)reply
dihydrogen monoxide
"earning a reputation as a "speed"" - what's a speed? Maybe some slang I'm not familiar with, so a wlink would be good...(though I can guess from the context).
Thanks Water Man, I'll look into the quotes, and will probably rework the lead one final time before submitting to FAC... I still have a few sections I want to add and change first. Dates look good to me (okay, I don't really know what
WP:DATE says, but I trust you!) As for "speed" it's just old slang for a girl who was too friendly with the boys. I'll see about tweaking that section. --
JayHenry (
talk)
05:19, 13 May 2008 (UTC)reply
Finally got some time to myself, so here I am. I greatly enjoyed reading and learning about Zelda and I think that overall this article is very good. Some of the writing could be finessed, however, so most of my comments are in regards to that:
To use the serial comma or not to use the serial comma? It's both ways (with and without) in the lead.
The first paragraph of the lead is a little confusing. The "the first American Flapper" comes out of nowhere and perhaps needs context, as this is explained in the body. The next sentence is odd: was it because of the success of This Side of Paradise that they were seen as "young, rich, and energetic"? And who was it exactly who saw them this way?
Agree with h2o above that more needs to be written in the lead about her early life; we jump right into her marriage and lose sight of her, the individual.
I'm not a fan of referring to Zelda as, well, Zelda so often. Her husband is mostly referred to as "Scott", so why isn't she "Fitzgerald"? Why isn't he Fitzgerald, for that matter? I only see four uses of the name, in regards to he and not she, in the "F. Scott Fitzgerald" and "In popular culture" sections. As an item they are constantly referred to "the Fitzgeralds", but "Scott" and "Fitzgerald" are often used interchangeably and Zelda is always "Zelda". Ow, my head. Continuity?
Well, your second question answers the first here. I can't call them both Fitzgerald, because then who am I talking about? This one has come up before. His biographers invariably refer to him as Fitzgerald, her as Zelda. Her biographers use the convention I've tried to follow throughout of Zelda and Scott. (Try swapping a Zelda for a Fitzgerald and then reading the sentence. Wherever I've tried this, I think most readers will assume it's referring to him and be confused.) --
JayHenry (
talk)
23:31, 13 May 2008 (UTC)reply
Scott became absorbed writing the book that became The Great Gatsby: more redundant "became"s. Is "the book that became" even necessary? Can it not just be "absorbed with writing The Great Gatsby"?
Zelda with a dashing young French pilot, Edouard Jozan.: there's something missing from this, yes? Zelda what with a dashing young French pilot? Also, comma needed.
A failed attempt at being clever. Scott was absorbed with Gatsby, Zelda [was absorbed] with Jozan. Guess it didn't work so I rewrote. --
JayHenry (
talk)
21:10, 18 May 2008 (UTC)reply
Overall, very clean and intriguing. I think Zelda is fairly portrayed, which is no easy feat. The main thing bugging me is the lack of consistency with the names, but I think this article will fare well at FAC once it's ready. Great job, Jay! María(
habla con
migo)
13:07, 13 May 2008 (UTC)reply