This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because I intend to nominate this article for FAC after my
current one is promoted (hopefully). So I'd like people to pick at it before I do so.
The
Games by Apollo article says that they were based in Richardson, a Dallas suburb town, not Dallas.
You're right. Handled
"After, Salvo presented artist Ernie Runyon" - "later" or "afterwards"
Done, used "afterwards"
"Runyon was a new hire at Apollo, having joined the company in March 1982" - you haven't said outside the lead that these development things took place in September 1982 (and was it? You said it took a month to make and came out in September 1982, but was there a gap between finishing the game and when it was on shelves? I know a lot of Atari games had a large gap for production.)
There were no sources indicating when the development period, so I just deleted this sentence. I also re-arranged the lead; didn't mean for that sentence to indicate development was also in September.
"The crew of Apollo brainstormed titles[...] with Runyon remembering one of the proposed titles was "Airport Mayhem"" - tense problem, he wasn't remembering it at the time, he remembered it later.
Yep. Got it.
"He stated he would have liked to have included a luggage train" - either "He has stated" or say when or where he stated it
Got it.
"in the 4K cartridge" -link or define what 4K is in this context
Kilobyte. Done.
"Salvo programmed the game" - you said Runyon programmed the game not two sentences ago
Salvo helped him program it. Changed.
"joystick movements which took one week to fix" - comma before which
Done
" were done by Larry Minor" - done is an odd, casual word to use there- try "created"
Switched.
"Upon release, there were negative reviews" - oddly passive, try "The game received negative reviews upon release" or something like it
Why do you redlink TV Gamer in the references but not Electronic Gaming or Digital Press or Atari HQ?
Unlinked TV Gamer.
Capitalize Allgame in the references
Done.
Consider archiving your online references with a site like archive.org or webcitation.org so that changes/removals of content don't wreck your citations.
I'll see about this. I checked and Archive.org has copies of all the references, so I think I'll be fine, but I might make webcitation copies just in case
Cool. Just saw that you nominated two more Games by Apollo games for GAN- are you planning on building out a
Good Topic on their whole catalog? --PresN22:35, 2 July 2014 (UTC)reply