This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because… we intend to take it to FAC soon, possibly with a view to get it through in time to be an April Fools' candidate.
The sound known as disco descends from music at inner-city New York clubs in the early 1970s, where disc jockeys would play imported dance music to get the crowd moving. With roots in African-American, Latino, and gay cultures, disco, as it came to be called because it was popular in discotheques, became midstream by the mid-1970s. - This is a little confusing. Perhaps "The sound known as disco, named for its popularity in discotheques, was started in inner-city New York clubs in the early 1970s, where disc jockeys would play imported dance music to get the crowd moving. With roots in African-American, Latino, and gay cultures, disco became midstream by the mid-1970s." or another way to cut back on the commas.
Worried about underlinking (i.e. gay culture, Latino music, and African-American music could all be linked in the above two paragraphs)
all the rage - Sounds too colloquial
Some felt the music too mechanical—Time magazine deemed it a "diabolical thump-and-shriek"—but others hated the music for the scene associated with it, feeling that in the disco scene, personal appearance and style of dress were overly important. - Perhaps this could be split. Certainly we should avoid scene ... scene
"you can draw more people with a losing team plus bread and circuses than with a losing team and a long, still silence". - Losing/losing? Hmm... I would have thought it would be more powerful with losing/winning (but that's just me, if he didn't say it no problem)
Lots of quotes which can be paraphrased. "to make sure that when you visit Comiskey Park you'll see more than a baseball game … whether we won or lost you will have had fun" is one example.
Link important terms at first mention in the body (team's names, etc.)
Thank you for your comments, and I appreciate your sparing the time from your resumption of studies. I agree with most of these and will change them. I think "all the rage" is OK for purposes of this particular article, in which rage at disco played a major parts of events. What Veeck is saying is that if you are stuck with a losing team, by getting the fans to have a good time at the ballpark you can still have good attendance. He was known for stunts, most notably this and also in the 1950s sending a, er, little person, to the plate.--
Wehwalt (
talk)
19:21, 17 February 2013 (UTC)reply
The bit about
Michael Clarke Duncan, although interesting (and perhaps as a footnote) does not seem important to the overall events at the time.
Reaction and aftermath is heavy on quotes.
It's a reaction section. I think the reader should know what was said at the time. And what is said is so opinionated (Gaynor's comment, for example) that I hesitate to avoid a direct quote.
jai-alai fronton - Should have at least one link
he continues - As of?
The unplayed second game remains the last American League game to be forfeited. - As of?
To have a major league game forfeited is so unusual that in the event there was another one, I have no doubt editors would look at the articles on baseball forfeits (this and
Ten Cent Beer Night) and update as necessary. It just doesn't happen. I don't think it's necessary to put in an "as of 2013".
The last game in the major leagues to be forfeited was on August 10, 1995, when a baseball giveaway promotion at
Dodger Stadium went awry, forcing the
Los Angeles Dodgers to concede the game to the
St. Louis Cardinals. - Perhaps make the difference between American league and "major leagues" clearer for non-baseball fans. Also, do we have an article on this promotion?
Not a problem. Maybe we can figure out a way of doing it so that it feels more integrated into the text. The two suggested notes; I think we should await further comments from reviewers. Or possibly a hidden note for the caps on the scoreboard?--
Wehwalt (
talk)
21:24, 18 February 2013 (UTC)reply