"The first of two U-boat commanders to be such honored, the other recipient was Albrecht Brandi."
I would make this "He was the first of two U-boat commanders to be honored in such a way, the other recipient being Albrecht Brandi." Also, was he the first of two on this particular date? as i think this needs to be made clear.
"In October, after having returned from his second patrol, on which he torpedoed the Norwegian merchant steamer Dagrun (4,562 GRT) that he missed"
Is this saying that his torpedo missed? Because it isn't that clear. Might i suggest "In October, after having returned from his second patrol, on which he torpedoed (but missed) the Norwegian merchant steamer Dagrun (4,562 GRT)"
"With this boat he made five patrols of 204 days at sea sinking 12 ships for 64,852 GRT". Again, i don't think "for" is the correct word here. Also, i assume the patrols combined totalled 204 days in length- this needs to be made clear as it is a little ambiguous.
"These U-boat commander trainees usually came along on single war-patrols. This was usually the last exercise before they received their own command of a U-boat."
There are two uses of "usually" here. Perhaps you could replace the second one with "often"?
"the longest combat patrol of World War II was achieved by Eitel-Friedrich Kentrat as commander of U-196 which lasted 225 days."
This should all go into brackets, and i woud re-word it slightly- "(the longest combat patrol of World War II was 225 days in length, and this was achieved by Eitel-Friedrich Kentrat as commander of the U-196.)"
"Also present at the supply-point were U-177 under the command of Robert Gysae, U-178 under the command of Wilhelm Dommes, U-196 under the command of Eitel-Friedrich Kentrat, U-197 under the command of Robert Bartels and U-198 under the command of Werner Hartmann".
I think this could be deleted altogether. It is useful information but not central to an article about Lüth.
"He was promoted to Fregattenkapitän on 1 August 1944 and became the commander of the entire Marineschule in September, and promoted to Kapitän zur See."
"Lüdde-Neurath then had informed Lüth's brother, Joachim Lüth, who was staying with his brother. It was he who informed Lüth's wife and their four children that Wolfgang Lüth had died."
This could be re-worded slightly- "Lüdde-Neurath then informed Lüth's brother, Joachim Lüth, as the two borthers were staying together. It was he who informed Lüth's wife and their four children that Lüth had died."
The article is informative, neutral and stable, and most of my comments refer to grammatical problems etc. Please strike through or check mark each point as you address it, and if you have any questions or comments please leave them here or on my talk page. Thanks,
MarquisCostello (
talk)
21:26, 9 March 2009 (UTC)reply