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From Prof McClanan:
I'm going to ask that you revise this into standard Wikipedia entry format by Nov. 29th and email my pdx.edu account when the new version is up. I'd like to wait to give detailed feedback when it's in more finished more.
ALMc
From Abigail Fraser:
There are some grammatically confusing parts to this. Many sentences start mid sentence so I wonder if there is a slight issue with how you are starting new lines (perhaps simply missing a period). I also believe there should not be questions in a wikipedia format and there should be complete sentence. It looks like you have good information and have researched well though, so it will hopefully just be stylistic changes. — Preceding
unsigned comment added by
Abigailfraser (
talk •
contribs)
00:12, 29 November 2018 (UTC)reply
Feedback from Prof McClanan
I just emailed a follow-up, this reads like working notes. I'm eager to read a draft and move this project along, so I hope to see a revision soon. Thanks! — Preceding
unsigned comment added by
AMcClanan (
talk •
contribs)
16:21, 1 December 2018 (UTC)reply
Feedback from Prof McClanan, 12/2
Thanks for reposting, and here are a few considerations for the next round of revision:
The opening works well for setting the stage with an overview of the topic, but the specific assertions made, such as around the shift to sarcophagi, should be attributed to source.
What do you mean by Asiatic influence in the form section?
Content begins in an engaging way
change to: object's purpose
This section very much needs images to be added to your entry, though
Function
seems like it recaps content from general entries on sarcophagi, so be alert to your context of writing w/in a collaborative platform such as Wikipedia
Similar it's not clear how much Context adds that's new, though if you framed the points more specifically around your sarcophagus it might work
why bring up the Junius Bassus sarc. specifically?
overall remember to add citations and links to other Wikipedia entries where appropriate
Overall the entry offers substantive content on its topic. There is still quite a bit of overlap with other entries, such as general coverage of sarcophagi, but your work here is an impressive accomplishment.