2a. it contains a list of all references (sources of information), presented in accordance with
the layout style guideline.
2b.
reliable sources are
cited inline. All content that
could reasonably be challenged, except for plot summaries and that which summarizes cited content elsewhere in the article, must be cited no later than the end of the paragraph (or line if the content is not in prose).
Done"The company's second PlayStation 3 game, Flower," -- commas not needed: "Math teacher John said" vs "John, math teacher, said". —
HELLKNOWZ ▎
TALK16:03, 2 May 2011 (UTC)reply
DoneEmployees 12 (as of Mar. 2011) --may be March would be better? I know it's US spelling, but space isn't an issue here and you use full month names in prose. —
HELLKNOWZ ▎
TALK16:03, 2 May 2011 (UTC)reply
Done"University of Southern California Interactive Media Division" doesn't have apostrophe while "University of Southern California's School of Cinematic Arts" does. You did use it in Flow and Jenova Chen articles. —
HELLKNOWZ ▎
TALK16:03, 2 May 2011 (UTC)reply
Done"normal physical production" -- I assume this is retail distribution, albeit worded strange. May not be clear to a general reader. —
HELLKNOWZ ▎
TALK16:03, 2 May 2011 (UTC)reply
Technically I'd just said that they decided in Fall 2005, right after releasing the game, so restating 2005 isn't useful. --PresN19:36, 2 May 2011 (UTC)reply
DoneI think "Game Title" and "Release Date" can be "Game title" and "Release date", since they aren't proper nouns and the first word is already capitalized for table caption. I know though many editors prefer all first caps table captions sometimes. —
HELLKNOWZ ▎
TALK16:03, 2 May 2011 (UTC)reply
Done"The company was housed in the Sony offices in Los Angeles and given the funds to start up the company" -- would the two clauses not be best the other way around (first fund, then house)? —
HELLKNOWZ ▎
TALK16:03, 2 May 2011 (UTC)reply
Engineer is programmer. They're technically different, but colloquially in the industry engineer is sometimes used for programmers that also design the systems they're coding, as opposed to "grunt" programmers who get told what to write. The distinction is meaningless in this case, and I'm pretty sure he picked his own title as TGC isn't consistent in what they call their employees. --PresN00:03, 3 May 2011 (UTC)reply
That's the plan! Feel free to nitpick all you want here- light knows you or someone else'll nitpick the heck out of it at FAC. :) --PresN00:03, 3 May 2011 (UTC)reply
Clarke was another designer"Clarke was another designer" reads weird although I don't have any suggestions off the top of my head. —
HELLKNOWZ ▎
TALK16:16, 2 May 2011 (UTC)reply
I think it's the repetition of designer so soon. Moved to be in the same order as the preceding sentence. --PresN00:03, 3 May 2011 (UTC)reply
Done"were built by SuperVillain Studios;" - built? May be designed/created/developed? Not a typical word for video game dev. —
HELLKNOWZ ▎
TALK16:16, 2 May 2011 (UTC)reply
Done"beyond a design influence and art direction role" -- this asks for a little more explanation, additional info. Basically I am wondering, what "design influence" and "art direction" is exactly. I think could guess pretty close, but a general reader might not. You might also link
game design and
game art design. —
HELLKNOWZ ▎
TALK16:16, 2 May 2011 (UTC)reply
Done"The final game of Thatgamecompany's three-game contract with Sony, it is being developed by a team of twelve." -- sentence structure. Perhaps "This is the final game of Thatgamecompany's three-game contract with Sony and is being developed by a team of twelve." —
HELLKNOWZ ▎
TALK16:16, 2 May 2011 (UTC)reply
Done" This does not include Santiago, who was replaced as a producer by Robin Hunicke in order to concentrate on her role as the company's president" —
HELLKNOWZ ▎
TALK16:16, 2 May 2011 (UTC)reply
Presumably you meant the "this"; changed to "this team"
Done"meant to convey emotions more than a message" -- so they are also meant to convey a message a little? Also is convey the right word? Video games do not have emotions and could only convey them from some in-game character. Perhaps use "provoke" or a synonym (evoke?:)) like in the lead? —
HELLKNOWZ ▎
TALK16:31, 2 May 2011 (UTC)reply
He contradicts himself in that interview; he says that it's a mix of feelings and a message and then spends the rest of the paragraph saying that he's too young to make games with a strong message so he focuses on feelings. Also- evoke is good because I used convey too much, but I would argue that convey is just as applicable as evoke- static objects evoke; dynamic, reactive objects can convey as well. That's a large part of Chen's design ideas- that when the game reacts to what the player is doing it can actively express (convey) emotions to the player, not just have the player react (evoke) to it. Semantics, though. --PresN00:03, 3 May 2011 (UTC)reply
Done"Through this she hopes to change the rest of the industry to also approach making videogames" -- video games separate as the quote ended and next one hasn't begun yet. —
HELLKNOWZ ▎
TALK16:31, 2 May 2011 (UTC)reply
Done"Thatgamecompany tries to support the independent video game development industry by funding and connecting independent game developers" -- how? A little cliff-hanger sentence. —
HELLKNOWZ ▎
TALK16:31, 2 May 2011 (UTC)reply
Dropping it- they were vague on the details, and the interview was 2 years ago- nothing definite has materialized. They do connect indie game devs to each other, but that's just called being nice- most indie devs network like that. --PresN00:03, 3 May 2011 (UTC)reply
DoneWould games rather have a little 1-3 sentence description and {{main}} links instead of table? That would be mostly my preference though to better make this into a "topic" article. Anycase, does
PlayStation 3 need to be linked 3 times? Table isn't sortable so what's the point? —
HELLKNOWZ ▎
TALK16:31, 2 May 2011 (UTC)reply
Yeah, changed to text. The other VG GA's either integrate it into History (
Bungie), have a separate list and integrate it into History (
Key (company)), or do it all in text as there are no separate articles (
ABA Games). Most of the text is lifted straight from the relevant articles, though Journey is of course not an FA like the other two. --PresN00:39, 3 May 2011 (UTC)reply
Eh, I'd like to but the art style changes between games, and I don't think I can defend it at FAC. I would if I had a free-use one. --PresN00:03, 3 May 2011 (UTC)reply
Sorry for hastily written and a bit abrupt explanations. GAs are not the most popular area and this one's marinating since start of April. Hasty review is better than no review :) Anyway, since I know you'll most likely take this to FAC, might as well pick on small details now. —
HELLKNOWZ ▎
TALK16:37, 2 May 2011 (UTC)reply