The text of the entry was: Did you know ... that
National Hero of IndonesiaSudirman(pictured) went on a seven-month guerrilla campaign with only one lung?
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Does anybody have Salim Said, "Genesis of Power: General Sudirman and the Indonesian military in politics, 1945-49",
ISBN9813035897 ? I think it is a good source for his biography. —
Indon (
reply) —
12:58, 12 January 2007 (UTC)reply
File:Gen soedirman monument at surabaya.jpg Nominated for Deletion
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This is an excellent article. My comments are pretty minor:
You're really not going to like this (and I don't like it one bit either), but the photos of the buildings and grave might not be OK as Indonesia doesn't have freedom of panorama according to
http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/Commons:Freedom_of_panorama#Indonesia Given that they're government buildings they might be OK though... (sorry if this comment is confusing; I'm a bit confused about it!).
Works of architecture where there is no architect credited have 50 year copyright protection under Indonesian law (buildings don't attract copyright protection for photographic representations in the US, so no worrying about the URAA). As the military headquarters and grave date to before 1961, they should be fine to take pictures of. At the A-class review for
Oerip, Nikkimaria didn't have a problem with the images so long as they were properly tagged. —
Crisco 1492 (
talk)
12:22, 9 September 2012 (UTC)reply
"but was later brought for detention in Bogor" - this wording is a bit unclear
Changed to "interned". How's this?
"He was tasked with handling Japanese soldiers in Banyumas" - I think that a stronger word than 'handling' is needed
How's this?
The link to Allies of World War II behind 'Allied forces' doesn't seem appropriate - the forces were the British (and Indian Army) and Dutch. The other Allied contingents in the NEI (eg, the Australians and Americans) took great care to keep out of all fighting, and the Australian Government appears to have been mildly sympathetic towards the independence movement (or at least recognised continued Dutch rule as being unrealistic in the long term).
"he was also taught the work ethic and simplicity of the wong cilik, or commoners.[9] He also studied Islam" - the near repetition of 'he was also' could be avoided
How's this?
Why was Sudirman subjected to ridicule at his government-run school?\
Clarified in a footnote
The first paragraph of the 'Japanese occupation' section is a bit confusing given that the Colonial authorities maintained a Indonesian-manned Army and (I think) Navy units - I think that "the Dutch colonials – who had previously restricted military training for native Indonesians" is too broad
Is "limited" better? Admittedly the KNIL had a few good native officers, but most of its leadership was Dutch. I didn't intend for "restricted" to be read "forbidden" in the sentence.
"After the Japanese began occupying the Indies in early 1942, against which the colonial military could do little to resist" - this is probably a bit too strong given that the colonial military put up a good fight in several parts of the NEI before being overwealmed by larger/better trained Japanese forces. The issue was the totally inadequate size of the colonial military, and the poor readiness of many of its units.
How's "winning several battles against (understaffed?) Dutch and Dutch-trained forces"
"At the same time, allied forces made their way to the Indies to retake the archipelago for the Netherlands" - to be pedantic, this was underway in the last year of the war (the US captured some of Western New Guinea and Morotai in 1944, and the Australians captured Balikpapan and Tarakan in 1945, and these were sort-of handed over to Dutch civil affairs units)
Would "were on their way" work better, in your opinion. That additional information could be worked into a footnote, of course, using sources in the related articles.
How about "At the same time, allied forces were in the process of retaking the Indonesian archipelago for the Netherlands" or similar? The Australians didn't fight in Dutch New Guinea by the way - this was a US Army show - and the occupation/liberation of the islands didn't begin until after the surrender documents were signed in Tokyo Bay at the start of September.
Nick-D (
talk)
10:30, 10 September 2012 (UTC)reply
B. Images are provided where possible and appropriate, with
suitable captions:
Overall:
Pass or Fail:
All the GA criteria are met; thanks for your quick response, and great work with this article. Please note my extra comment above, but it's on a fairly peripheral issue.
Nick-D (
talk)
10:30, 10 September 2012 (UTC)reply
Congratulations, especially to Crisco, for the excellent work on this article. My own feeling that it would still be good to trim back the introduction somewhat so that the lede is crisp and the "List of Contents" appears high on the page. I also tend to prefer shorter paragraphs rather than longer ones although this, I agree, is a matter of opinion. But it's great to get Pak Dirman up as a Featured Page!! Pantang mundur!!Pmccawley (
talk)
01:12, 25 January 2014 (UTC)reply
Excellent, thank you. I understand the comparison with the entry for
Douglas MacArthur and that's a fair benchmark, I agree. It's a matter of taste. I'd still like to see the lede shorter but it's a matter of taste (for me, MacArthur is too long too). But I want to note that your effort on the Sudirman page is marvellous. Very few Indonesian entries become a Featured Page. All of us who do work on Indonesia pages will be very encouraged to see this. —
Pmccawley (
talk)
01:40, 25 January 2014 (UTC)reply
Thanks. Once in a while I get bored of doing film articles and try to take more significant things to GA and FA...
Amir Hamzah turned out nicely, and I think I have enough material to get
Slamet Rijadi through FA once I actually write it. —
Crisco 1492 (
talk)
01:43, 25 January 2014 (UTC)reply