When I do an article review I like to provide a Heading-by-Heading breakdown of suggestions for how to make the article better. It is done in good faith as a means to improve the article. It does not necessarily mean that the article is not GA quality, or that the issues listed are keeping it from GA approval. I also undertake minor grammatical and prose edits. After I finish this part of the review I will look at the over arching quality of the article in light of the
GA criteria. If I feel as though the article meets GA Standards I will promote it, if it does not then I will hold the article for a week pending work.
A. It contains a list of all references (sources of information), presented in accordance with
the layout style guideline:
B.
Reliable sources are
cited inline. All content that
could reasonably be challenged, except for plot summaries and that which summarizes cited content elsewhere in the article, must be cited no later than the end of the paragraph (or line if the content is not in prose):
"He enrolled at Temple as a non-scholarship student and sat out his freshman year as a redshirt. As a redshirt sophomore, he was the Atlantic..." "as a redshirt. As a redshirt..." Not good prose here, can this be changed?
Do you have his mother's name? If not why not? Was his mother a part of his life growing up? This may be a notable part of his biography and should be investigated.
You say he sat out his freshman season but in the next sentence you talk about his freshman debut and then go on to talk about his stats as a freshman. This is inconsistent and confusing. Did he sit out the season or not? It appears as though he played.
"...he enrolled at Temple as a non-scholarship student and sat out his freshman year as a redshirt.[5] In his freshman debut the following year..." I think it's confusing for people to read that he had a freshman year academically and then a freshman year athletically. Instead what about something like, "in his first year of eligibility" or simply say, "In his debut the following year" and leave out "freshman debut".
H1nkles (
talk) citius altius fortius15:59, 29 July 2011 (UTC)reply
The term "clutch" is sports
jargon that we should try to avoid. I know there's an article about it and you link to it but IMO it's a great word for a sports article in a magazine but not for an encyclopedia. Perhaps replace with "important" or "key" or "critical". I say the same thing about "coast-to-coast". This isn't Sports Illustrated so terms like this aren't encyclopedic and can be misunderstood by those not as familiar with basketball jargon.
Per
WP:OVERLINK terms should be linked once in the lead and once in the article. Fran Dunphy is linked twice in the article, look for other terms that are linked more than once in the article.
Good refs, no dead links, formatting looks good, credible as well.
Overall
The article is in good shape but I can't quite pass it to GA just yet. Here are my concerns:
Is there anything about his mother? Perhaps not mentioning her name was just an omission and if so then including it will put the issue to rest for me. If there is more to that part of his story then it should be included.
Clarify his status as a freshman. Did he sit out did he not? This needs to be addressed in the lead as well.
A few nitpicky
MOS issues like overlinking and use of some jargon.
Is there a picture that can be included? Per
GA criteria a picture should be used if possible. Even some ancillary that may not specifically apply to him. Images are good and should be in GAs if possible.