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Currently, there is this sentence (as of the date written) in the article:
Predictably, Gray was reviled by some for preaching in the strip to the poor about hard work, initiative, and motivation while living well on his income.
I understand that it was likely an obvious issue, but it sounds very subjective. It almost sounds like a personal opinion.
We have predictably followed by some and preaching. Those words in a single sentence makes this sound as though it is based on a personal opinion. In fact, this is an angry personal opinion.
While some is allowed, since this is an angry response to the strip, it would be better to offer an example. Were there articles about demonstrations or opinion pieces in newspapers? Perhaps a book on the subject may say something and someone can quote a few words to explain this, then cite it.
The word preaching must simply go. It has a religious connotation and should never be used. Its use here is only an angry opinion; a religious doctrine that is being used in a very disparaging way. What I believe was actually meant is lecturing, which I will change now.
Saying that he is living well on his income sounds like an opinion. What is well to you may not be what is well to me. If we mean that the poor were poor and the wealthy had a "well" income then use wealthy or even comfortable instead. These are more specific. Today, being comfortable is without worry of money. This also means that this is a fact and so a citation will be needed. Someone can even be more specific and find a citation about his success. There may even be archival information about his taxes in the 1920's. A neat little factoid like how much he made would create an interest value to the article. Sometimes they're in census records and Ancestry may be a great resource, if someone has access. Ancestry's Newspapers.com may even hint at how many of his things sold for. As a last resort, someone can simply repeat a citation about his success that is from elsewhere in the article. For now though, I will change that to "while enjoying his successful lifestyle." It still needs a citation but I think that's a fairly obvious conclusion for all to understand.
Lastly and this is more of an after-thought. I will change reviled to mocked. Sadly, modern English doesn't exactly use the word "reviled" any more. The word mocked is much more modern.
The article uses the word "gingerlock" in reference to comedian
Michelle Wolf but fails to define the word. I'm having trouble finding any other use of the word via Google search. Urban Dictionary doesn't record it. Wolf does have tightly curled red hair, but if you don't already know that the word "gingerlock" doesn't make that clear.
PowersT12:21, 17 June 2022 (UTC)reply