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LeSean McCoy was nominated as a good article, but it did not meet the good article criteria at the time (January 1, 2014). There are suggestions on the review page for improving the article. If you can improve it, please do; it may then be renominated. |
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Reviewing |
Reviewer: EricEnfermero ( talk · contribs) 04:58, 21 December 2013 (UTC)
I am happy to review this submission. Many thanks to the nominator for the work that has gone into this so far. I will begin with a quick readthrough, then will go section by section and leave feedback here. I should have some initial comments posted within the next day or two. EricEnfermero HOWDY! 04:58, 21 December 2013 (UTC)
After reading through the article, it is clear that a good deal of valuable information has been added, especially for a player whose NFL career is probably still in its early stages. However, one of the big issues here involves criterion #1 of the Good Article criteria - the article must be clearly written and free of major problems with things like grammar and spelling. I have a lot of suggestions that could help along these lines. We can leave this nomination open for a week while you address the suggestions below. Another option would be to close the review now, work on the article at your own pace, then renominate the article for consideration.
* Lead states that 2007 was his first year at Pitt. No need to include "in his sophomore year of college" for the next year.
Not done. There is a direct quote now and a reference, but unless I'm missing something, the reference does not contain the quote. EricEnfermero HOWDY! 06:58, 24 December 2013 (UTC) I honestly do not see where you are getting this. The quote in the fourth paragraph is misstated according to the reference, thats my fault. It should read "rated the nation's number 11 running back... After that I am not sure exactly where you are referencing in the article. I took out the sentence about him being number one because I could not find a reference. PhillySportsGuru25 ( talk) 15:41, 24 December 2013 (UTC)
* Same thing after the sentence about his academic difficulties. That's a contentious statement about a living person, one of the times we definitely want to be backed up by references per
WP:MINREF.
* In the last sentence, change "there" to "their" (or "his").
Done but there is a similar issue in the second paragraph of the next section - "starting running back LaRod Stephens-Howling". Change that to just Stephens-Howling, because you introduced his full name and position in the previous paragraph.
Done except that the phrasing ("he would be laughing one second and next be crying") is a little awkward. EricEnfermero HOWDY! 06:58, 24 December 2013 (UTC)
Done but now the second paragraph is still pretty long if there's a good place to break it up. EricEnfermero HOWDY! 06:58, 24 December 2013 (UTC)
* "entred" - should be "entered"
* I would take out the sentence about him being eager. Hopefully all college football players are eager.
* The third sentence has an extra "who" in it.
* Panthers Digest - and most other publications - should be placed in italics (two single quote marks on each side of the phrase).
Not done EricEnfermero HOWDY! 06:58, 24 December 2013 (UTC)
Not done EricEnfermero HOWDY! 06:58, 24 December 2013 (UTC)
* "freshmen All-American" should be
Freshman All-American.
* Break up this long first paragraph.
* Instead of saying that he received high praise from Dorsett, tell us what Dorsett actually said. I would also specify "Pro Football Hall of Famer Tony Dorsett" to clarify which Hall of Fame you're referring to.
* "The Panthers face" - change to "faced" and change falcons to uppercase. No comma in the next sentence.
* Lots of non-neutral language in this section - I would tone that down. Examples: big win, best game, toppled, flourished. Best game is probably not a huge deal, especially if it is sourced, but there are several non-neutral words in this part of the article.
* I would combine the pre-draft table and the info under Philadelphia Eagles. Maybe title it NFL Draft. Right now you have two sections that are too small to stand on their own.
* Watch for non-neutral tone in the 2009 section ("yet again" versus "again"; take out "performed well" and just give the stats).
* "made great strides to better improve his game" - take that out and just write about how he improved.
Not done EricEnfermero HOWDY! 06:58, 24 December 2013 (UTC)
* "Head Coach Andy Reid" - lowercase for coach, wikilink Andy Reid
* The Reid quote has opening quotation marks but no closing quotation marks.
* "Both the Eagles and Giants" - change the end of this sentence to "with a 6-3
win-loss record"
* "yet another impressive game" - another phrase you can probably just take out
* 2013: Don't start off by restating his 2012 injury. Remove the next sentence with the unsourced opinion. Also take out the part about being tremendous. If you mention anything involving Wide Receiver, use lowercase. FedEx Ground Player of the Week is uppercase. Unlink Andy Reid because he will be linked earlier in the article.
* Take out the separate heading for the Snow Bowl since it's just discussed in one paragraph.
* Take out "currently leads" and replace with an "as of" date.
* It is probably better to merge this with another section, maybe Personal, since it is too short to stand on its own.
* On the same point, I can't find anything in the reference which states that the woman was estranged.
* The references are mostly
bare URLs. Perfectly formatted references aren't required for a GA, but including more information (title of reference, date, date retrieved, publisher, etc) will allow you to remove the ugly banner about bare URLs on the top of this page. I can help you here.
WP:REFB has more information about referencing, but I would only do this after you address the other points in this review, because those are more important for GA status.
* The last external link should be worked into the article or just left off the list.
Again, let me know if you would rather close this nomination than work on the above points within seven days. Let me know if I can clarify anything. Once these points are addressed, I'll go back through and make sure everything reads okay. I can address some small points like punctuation myself at that time. EricEnfermero HOWDY! 02:23, 22 December 2013 (UTC)
Just checking in to see if we have a plan for addressing the remaining feedback on this GA review. We want to wrap up this process soon so that we don't have it hanging over our heads. In particular, there are the two sections that aren't well developed and some of the writing throughout the article is making it a little bit tougher to read. If we end up closing the nomination as unsuccessful, that isn't the worst thing in the world. That would allow you to work on the article at your pace and to request help from other editors (ex: at WP:GOCE they can help you a lot with grammar and tone fixes). If we go that route, you are free to renominate the article at any point that you feel it's ready. Just let me know what you'd like to do. You're doing great at a very early stage in your WP participation. EricEnfermero HOWDY! 11:28, 30 December 2013 (UTC)
Rate | Attribute | Review Comment |
---|---|---|
1. Well-written: | ||
1a. the prose is clear, concise, and understandable to an appropriately broad audience; spelling and grammar are correct. | No copyright issues. Prose has improved during review, but still contains awkward language. Some examples are still unaddressed from review. | |
1b. it complies with the Manual of Style guidelines for lead sections, layout, words to watch, fiction, and list incorporation. | Nominator addressed some words to watch during review process. | |
2. Verifiable with no original research: | ||
2a. it contains a list of all references (sources of information), presented in accordance with the layout style guideline. | Nominator sought help to convert bare URLs to useful references. Good job! | |
2b. reliable sources are cited inline. All content that could reasonably be challenged, except for plot summaries and that which summarizes cited content elsewhere in the article, must be cited no later than the end of the paragraph (or line if the content is not in prose). | One quote did not match the cited source, but was addressed by the nominator during the review. | |
2c. it contains no original research. | Nominator improved the sourcing of the article in response to review feedback. | |
3. Broad in its coverage: | ||
3a. it addresses the main aspects of the topic. | May consider adding more information for the time period between infancy and high school. | |
3b. it stays focused on the topic without going into unnecessary detail (see summary style). | ||
4. Neutral: it represents viewpoints fairly and without editorial bias, giving due weight to each. | Nominator addressed some concerns about subjective language. | |
5. Stable: it does not change significantly from day to day because of an ongoing edit war or content dispute. | No recent issues with vandalism or edit warring. | |
6. Illustrated, if possible, by media such as images, video, or audio: | ||
6a. media are tagged with their copyright statuses, and valid non-free use rationales are provided for non-free content. | Copyright status is okay. | |
6b. media are relevant to the topic, and have suitable captions. | Infobox image is a little grainy, but not to the extent that it causes a problem under this criterion. | |
7. Overall assessment. | Good work here. The language just needs to be tightened up. |
I hope that the strong work on this article can continue. It can be renominated at any point, though I would run it by WP:GOCE first for a copyedit. This is an impressive amount of work for a brand new contributor with a great deal of potential. EricEnfermero HOWDY! 06:57, 1 January 2014 (UTC)
Good luck with your efforts to go GA. Checkingfax ( talk) 02:22, 24 December 2013 (UTC)
If the trade isn't finalized till the 10th people will keep editing it and or vandalizing it. Semi lock would prevent this. Buffaboy ( talk) 00:14, 4 March 2015 (UTC)
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https://twitter.com/PHLEaglesNation/status/1443592528880615425
Eagles Nation (1-2)
@PHLEaglesNation
LeSean McCoy is retiring, and signing a one-day contract to do it as a member of the team
THANK YOU SHADY @CutonDime25
I don't know the proper protcol to change the page. But this should probably be added.