The text of the entry was: Did you know ... that
American writer-director Patrick Coyle first publicly showed his 2009 film Into Temptation at the hospice where his father stayed?
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Hi, I think this article is very well done, gives a good sense of the film, and seems adequately referenced. I have only a few comments.
"John's simple act of defending Linda during her childhood proved to be such a profound moment in her life" - It is mentioned in the plot section that the film ends with this flashback, but it doesn't clarify by this "proved to be such a profound moment in her life". I took it to be a film maker's device to end with that.
Listening to what I took to be the music for the film in one of your references, it sounded like a mellow jazz, definitely with some brass, so saying it is a "gentle piano" doesn't seem right. (I did not come across a description, however.)
I'm basing this on the Variety review blurb: "Tech credits, including Russell Holsapple's gentle piano score and David Doyle's vivid work with the Red camera, are righteous despite a modest offering plate." But if you think I should cut it, let me know. — HunterKahn03:48, 1 May 2010 (UTC)reply
One of the reviewers called it a "noirish" drama and it does seem that way from looking at the stills (and listening to the music). Do you think this fits? Also, it does seem very Seattle in atmosphere, which I take to mean very Milwaukee, as they are probably similar - so very influenced by place. (Do the characters speak with a Minnesota accent?)
I don't like the second review quote, but that is personal opinion.
Which one, exactly? (By second, do you mean Coyle's second quote fragment "strikes a near perfect-balance"? Or Covert's thing about "one of the few American films..."? If you have a suggestion with which to replace it, I'm certainly open to it.
Perhaps a night scene from downtown Milwaukee, or even a Milwaukee church or bridge or something, would be more representative than the photo you have in the article.
I like the substituted image much better, even though you didn't take my bait about "noirish"! I didn't like the last pullquote about known and unknow actors, but I have grown used to it. I think the article is fine as it is.
Xtzou(
Talk)17:11, 1 May 2010 (UTC)reply
I found the following language confusing, and I think both passages need to be reworked:
In the lead section: "Into Temptation was optioned in Hollywood, but talks fell through..."
In the primary text: "Into Temptation was optioned in Hollywood, but Coyle was displeased when industry officials pushed for a different ending and more gratuitous sex scenes. Due to complications from the financial crisis of 2007-2010, the Hollywood discussions eventually collapsed."
It is customary and proper to describe a script as being "optioned" for potential production, but not a completed film. Are you talking about something like a provisional release deal? The bit about "industry officials" is also odd. Are you talking about executives at a particular studio (which studio?), at multiple studios (which ones?), or some other sort of industry figures (what sort?)?
DocKino (
talk)
18:53, 11 January 2011 (UTC)reply
I
found an online link to the story used as a source here, which I've since added to the article. As you can see, it's sort of vague, which is why I had to be vague with "industry officials". Additionally, the word "optioned" is the one used by Coyle in an exact quote, so I'm not sure what other word to use, as his quote doesn't give much more specific information. Perhaps you could take a quick look at that quote and see what words could be used instead? — HunterKahn22:52, 17 January 2011 (UTC)reply
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