Article ( | visual edit | history) · Article talk ( | history) · Watch

Nominator: AddWittyNameHere ( talk · contribs) 23:40, 13 June 2024 (UTC) reply

Reviewer: Mike Christie ( talk · contribs) 18:40, 6 July 2024 (UTC) reply

I'll review this. Mike Christie ( talk - contribs - library) 18:40, 6 July 2024 (UTC) reply

No issues with the image tags. The sources are reliable as far as I can tell, not being a Dutch speaker.

Spotchecks. Footnote numbers refer to this version.

• FN 11 cites "The plane caught on fire and hit a building on the Lomstraat in Venlo, but reports conflict on the order in which this happened. The Delftsche Courant wrote on 23 June 1920 that the plane, while flying over Venlo, caught on fire as a result of a burst fuel tank and subsequently came down". Can you quote and translate the supporting text for this?
• FN 16 cites "A Fokker F.III captained by Geysendorffer, registration H-NABV". Verified.
• FN 5 cites "In early 1927, William Van Lear Black approached the KLM to charter a plane and crew." Verified.

Notes from reading through the article:

• Do we know nothing about him prior to 1918? Can we start with a section saying where and when he was born, and any information known about his parents and schooling? The Dutch article about him says he was the only one of eight children to survive to adulthood. Ah, I see there's a personal life section at the end. It seems odd to have his birth information at the end instead of the start.
• "accumulated 580 flight hours with the LVA prior to his hiring by the KLM": why "the KLM"? Isn't it just "KLM"? Though I see elsewhere in the article that you have "the KLM" again, so is that a Dutch usage? And this is said as if we know already that he was hired by them, but in fact the article only covers that further down. Suggest "accumulated 580 flight hours with the LVA by 1921" or "in the two years he flew for them".
• Judging from the Dutch Wikipedia, Luchtvaartafdeeling is worth a red link.
• The paragraph on N.G.G. Combinatie mentions the Venlo crash, and then goes on to talk about the plane, so it's a bit of a surprise when we go back to talk about the crash again in the next paragraph. Can this be integrated a little more chronologically? I don't think we need to foreshadow the outcome with "would be short-lived". If we just give the events in chronological order, without the Venlo subsection heading -- they form the company, they buy the plane and gift it to the LVA under conditions; they do demo flights in June, etc. -- then it would read much more naturally.
• "to deliver post and yeast": not an issue, but I'm curious: why was it important to deliver yeast? I would have expected him to be taking food or medicine if they'd been isolated for a while.
• "he also captained the first KLM lineflight to Paris": what is a lineflight?
• "KLM's promotion of its upcoming airline, Rotterdam-Amsterdam-Hamburg-Kopenhagen-Malmö": is "airline" the word you want here? That looks like a route, not an airline (which would be a company).
• "the symbol of a true line-pilot": I'm not sure what you mean by "line-pilot".
• See Van Lear Black; the bit about elephants charging the plane would be worth adding if you can source it.

That's everything on a first read-through. Mike Christie ( talk - contribs - library) 21:52, 6 July 2024 (UTC) reply

@ Mike Christie Apologies for the late response, I am on a camping trip and ended up without internet connection for about a week.

I'll get on with responding to your raised points, but it might take a bit and several edits because I'm currently working from a mobile phone on a rather spotty connection.

AddWitty NameHere 11:19, 13 July 2024 (UTC) reply