From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
Article (
|
visual edit |
history ) ·
Article talk (
|
history ) ·
Watch
Reviewer:
Jaguar (
talk ·
contribs )
14:45, 28 September 2021 (UTC)
reply
I'll get to this soon. ♦
jaguar
14:45, 28 September 2021 (UTC)
reply
"He worked under Arcade Planet to develop games for their website, Prizegames.com." - when did he do this? Directly after graduating?
"Fan grew up with his brother and lived under their father" - with their father
"His favorite film was Swiss Family Robinson because of the scene near the end where the family sets traps against attacking pirates." - this doesn't seem to be noteworthy
"Fan describes the website as "an online version of Chuck E. Cheese"" - I'd link
Chuck E. Cheese
"Fan discovered PopCap Games and took a liking to their games " - repetition, how about game library
" With PopCap Games as the publisher, Insaniquarium" was" - stray quote mark here
"titled Insaniquarium: Deluxe.[a] and was met" - stray full stop here
"Fan left Blizzard to become independent for a year" - an independent video game designer?
"He wanted to bring new concepts to the tower defense genre and found enemies" - lots of sentences opening with 'he'. Try Fan desired in this case
Comment: "Fan desired to bring new concepts..." reads awkwardly. I am just going to use "Fan wanted to bring new concepts..."
"The working title was Weedlings; after the enemy change ," - what does this mean?
"a card game named Magic: the Gathering," - the card game Magic: the Gathering
"It was declared by PopCap spokesman Garth Chouteau on May 20, 2009, that Plants vs. Zombies was the fastest selling and best-selling video game created by PopCap Games" - this reads awkwardly
"When EA directed PopCap towards making free-to-play games with transactions, "Fan no longer fit in." " - who said this?
" Edmund Mcmillen" - capital 'M' in McMillen
Done
"and has been discredited following the publication of an article by Kotaku" - who was discredited? Fan?
"All Yes Good would develop Octogeddon for the next four years" - wrong tense
"Shigihara is Fan's girlfriend" - this reads awkwardly
"for the Magic: The Gathering core set, Magic 2015" - stray comma
Insaniquarium was one of my favourite games while growing up. I still have the disc to this day. I've picked out some grammatical and structural issues with this article. Once they're all out of the way this will be closer to meeting the GA criteria. ♦
jaguar
20:01, 28 September 2021 (UTC)
reply
@
Jaguar : I have done your requests.
Lazman321 (
talk )
04:10, 1 October 2021 (UTC)
reply
Thank you, this looks good to go now. ♦
jaguar
10:32, 2 October 2021 (UTC)
reply