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Reviewer: Epicgenius ( talk · contribs) 20:19, 2 January 2020 (UTC)
@
TwoScars: I'll take this. Here are some of my initial comments (I'll write these comments in order based on sections).
epicgenius (
talk)
20:19, 2 January 2020 (UTC)
GA review (see here for what the criteria are, and here for what they are not) |
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Lead section
The Fostoria Glass Company manufactured pressed, blown and hand-molded glassware and tableware for almost 100 years- I'm not sure you need to include the last part of the sentence, and it sounds really strange, especially since the years of operation aren't mentioned until later on. Would it be better to say
The Fostoria Glass Company was a manufacturer pressed, blown and hand-molded glassware and tableware.?
The new company was formed by men from West Virginia,- unnecessary comma
Numerous other businesses were started in the area, and the supply of natural gas began to diminish.- as a result of the glass company's establishment? Or something else?
Eventually, Fostoria employed 1,000 people- "Eventually" is too vague. Do you mean "at its peak" or a specific year?
made profitability difficult for the company.- This is also vague. Did it lose money? If so, just say "caused the company to lose money".
Several companies continued making products using the Fostoria patterns.- Can you clarify whether this is ongoing or this has stopped?
Background
In the last half of the 19th century, labor was one of the two largest cost categories in the United States glass making industry- I get what "cost categories" means, but it still sounds strange. I take it that labor was one of the industry's two top expenses? If yes, then this should say it in a manner more clearly than "cost categories".
The Hobbs glass works, located in Ohio County's South Wheeling, West Virginia, was renamed numerous times over a period of about 60 years. Some of the names were Barnes & Hobbs; Hobbs & Barnes; Hobbs, Brockunier & Company; and Hobbs Glass Company- First, the location phrasing is weird. Can you say something like "South Wheeling in Ohio County, West Virginia". Second, this begs the question of whether we need to even mention that this is in Ohio County.
which is located in Belmont County across the river from Wheeling and Ohio County- this would probably benefit from a comma, and cutting out "which is". I.e.
, located in Belmont County, across the river from Wheeling and Ohio County.
Waterways provided an efficient and safe way to transport glass- Can you explain why? I assume it's because glass can be transported via boats, but this should be explained more clearly.
It was reported that because of ice on the Ohio River, 600 barrels of glassware from the Fostoria Class Company were waiting shipment at the Moundsville warf- These should be spelled "Glass" and "wharf". See my previous note asking why waterways were important.
As of 1880- "By 1880" perhaps?
Allegheny County, Pennsylvania, (Pittsburgh)- the parentheses are awkward, if you wanted to say Pittsburgh is in Allegheny County.
Fuel was the other large cost category for making glass in the United States- see my note above about cost categories.
Beginning
The founders of the Fostoria Glass Company were drawn to Fostoria, Ohio, to exploit the newly discovered natural gas. In addition to the natural gas, Fostoria was well served by railroads.- The second sentence of this excerpt is awkwardly placed, and I feel it would be better to combine it with the first sentence, so that it's clear that both the natural gas and railroad access drew the glass company to Fostoria.
The new firm also received incentives of $5,000 to $10,000 cash. ($10,000 in 1887 is equivalent to $284,556 in 2019.)- Do you have any better way to phrase this? It may be helpful (but not necessary) to include the conversion of $5,000, since the inflation numbers aren't round numbers. So most people can't calculate the conversion of $5,000 simply by dividing by 2.
Production began December 15, 1887, and products included tableware, bar goods, and lamps- Would be good to condense this sentence, since "products" is repeated here, and even if you replaced one of these instances with a synonym, it just wouldn't flow well. As of now, these sound like two different thoughts that can be connected, but aren't.
The glass men that formed the new company were from Wheeling or had worked there at one time. ...- First, I suggest "were either from Wheeling...". Second, I think a good rule of thumb for this paragraph is one sentence per person, to make it easier to follow.
The company hired Henry Humphreville to be plant manager. Humphreville was from the nation's other center of glassmaking innovation: Pittsburgh.[3] He had also worked at Brady's Riverside Glass Company in Wellsburg.- Same as above.
The Crimmels, O'Neal, and Scroggins were mentioned in a Bellaire newspaper article.[22] Henry and Jacob Crimmel were "key craftsmen in the early period of the company" and both had worked at Belmont Glass Company in Bellaire and Hobbs, Brockunier and Company in Wheeling.[23] Crimmel family recipes for glass were used in the early days of the Fostoria Glass Company.[24]- Interesting that this should be in a note, while the sentence
Their work experience included glassmaking at the Belmont Glass Company (in Bellaire) and at Wheeling's Hobbs, Brockunier and Company.is in prose format.
More later. epicgenius ( talk) 20:19, 2 January 2020 (UTC)
Ok, continuing review... epicgenius ( talk) 03:24, 4 January 2020 (UTC)
Early products:
The company advertised as a manufacturer of pressed glassware. Specialties were candle stands, candelabras, and banquet lamps.- I guess you can combine these two sentences, or reword them so that the first sentence leads into the second.
Another early pattern was called Cascade. This pattern looked like a swirl, and was very popular. It was used for candelabras and ink wells- Consider combining these as well, or rewording.
This was the first tableware pattern made, and it continued through the years under different names.- still referring to Cascade?
Another talented designer was Martin (company president), who patented the Cascade ink well (called an inkstand) and a paper weight with swirl sides- do you need the parentheses, or can you rephrase this?
A pattern made in Fostoria that is popular with collectors is called Victoria. A wide variety of products were made using this pattern. This is the only pattern that was patented by the company.- this also flows somewhat roughly. Also, do you know why this was popular?
Fostoria Glass had employees who were from the glassmaking region of France.- maybe "France's glassmaking region"?
Move to Moundsville
Unfortunately for the area glass factories,- "Unfortunately" may be subjective
In early December, the move to Moundsville was delayed by a temporary restraining order. Several members of the Crimmel family, who owned stock in the company, filed suit.- Consider rephrasing or combining these again.
the restraining order was lifted a short time later.- same month?
In addition to the $10,000 cash incentive, the company was also offered a 10-year supply of coal at a low price.- the $10,000 cash incentive was mentioned in the first paragraph. However, the mention of the injunction interrupts the discussion of the cash and fuel incentives. Can the second and third paragraphs be swapped?
Moundsville operations
Another co-founder, William Brady, also moved to the Pittsburg firm a short time later.- be consistent about whether you use "Pittsburg" or "Pittsburgh"
In 1899, he worked for National Glass Company- Starting in 1899? Or did he start earlier and that was just the situation by 1899?
In 1903, the company added a three-story brick building that housed a 14-pot furnace. This was thought to make it the largest independent glass plant in the United States.[50] It meant that Fostoria Glass was operating with three large furnaces.- I think this can be condensed into two sentences. The transitions between these sentences is currently pretty rough.
At that time, it was said- by whom?
Moundsville Products
Yet, Fostoria glassware is also found on lists of Depression glass.- If it contradicts the previous statement, use "However". If not, just delete the word "Yet".
In the 1960s, collectors began being interested in the inexpensive versions of glass made during the Great Depression, and the term "Depression glass" was born.[56] The term Depression Glass eventually began to be used for glass made beyond the Great Depression years, including years from 1925 through the 1970s. By the 1990s, the phrase "elegant glassware of the Depression" was being used to describe the better quality glass made at the same time as Depression glass.[56] Thus, some of the patterns made by Fostoria using crystal glass are listed in books about Depression glass.[57]- this note is pretty long, and I think Depression glass has its own article.
One pattern that should be easy for historians to remember is pattern 1861.- "Easy" is considered subjective and should be removed, unless this was mentioned verbatim in a source, then it should be quoted.
Management around this time was still led by- "was still led by W. A. B. Dalzell"isW. A. B. Dalzell as company president.
peaked around 650 people- "peaked at around 650 people"
Depression and Post War
A combination of outstanding products and national advertising- "Outstanding" is another word to be cautious of, and can be interpreted as opinion. If you meant "distinctive", say so.
Beginning with President Dwight D. Eisenhower, every American president through Ronald Reagan had glassware made by Fostoria.- can be possibly shortened: "Every American president from Dwight D. Eisenhower through Ronald Reagan..."
own consumer direct magazine, "Creating with Crystal"- there needs to be a comma after "Creating with Crystal". Also, is there a wikilink for consumer direct?
Morgantown
First Lady Jacqueline Kennedy had chosen Morgantown glassware for official White House tableware, and Fostoria sought to capitalize on this. Morgantown was also a leader in barware.- These two sentences contain an abrupt transition. I'd consider rephrasing.
Decline
Back in 1950- do you need the word "back"?
Changing dinnerware preferences and foreign competition made profitability difficult for the company during the 1970s.- similar to what I mentioned above: does this mean that the company was earning less money year-over-year?
However, the Fostoria Glass factory was shut down permanently on February 28, 1986.- despite Lancaster Colony Corporation now operating the factory?
The American, Baroque, and Coin patterns were therefore produced by others- "therefore" doesn't sound like the right word. Try "thereafter".
That's it for the writing and coverage section. Next I will go to the references and notes. epicgenius ( talk) 04:26, 7 January 2020 (UTC)
Not too many issues here
"O-I [Owens-Illinois] Retiree's Quest to Clear up History of Glass Industry Develops into Book". Toledo Blade. 2002-09-24. p. online web page.- Do you have a URL or archive URL for this page? If you do this, the text "p. online web page" is also not needed.
Around the Glass and Lamp Factories (right column, bottom of page), the parenthetical should be outside of the quote marks unless it is part of the actual title.
Weeks, Joseph Dame; United States Census Office (1884). Report on the Manufacture of Glass. Washington: Government Printing Office. p. 1152. OCLC 2123984.does not have any short footnotes linking to it. Therefore, I would remove the
|ref=harv
parameter.
epicgenius (
talk)
16:14, 7 January 2020 (UTC)This appears to be neutrally written. Some of the paragraphs contain one to three sentences about individual glass patterns. In addition, there is a good amount of history on the glass company itself.
Overall, I would generally say that this article is focused, due to the use of explanatory footnotes to corral off the less relevant details. epicgenius ( talk) 16:16, 7 January 2020 (UTC)
Prose looks good other than the issues I have described. epicgenius ( talk) 04:26, 7 January 2020 (UTC)