The text of the entry was: Did you know ...that in 1979
University of MichigantackleEd Muransky set the all-time record at the traditional pre-
Rose Bowl "Beef Bowl" by eating 16 pounds of prime rib?
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The following suggestions were generated by a semi-automatic
javascript program, and might not be applicable for the article in question.
If there is not a
free use image in the top right corner of the article, please try to find and include one.[?]
If this article is about a person, please add {{persondata|PLEASE SEE [[WP:PDATA]]!}} along with the required parameters to the article - see
Wikipedia:Persondata for more information.[?]
As done in
WP:FOOTNOTE, footnotes usually are located right after a punctuation mark (as recommended by the
CMS, but not mandatory), such that there is no space in between. For example, the sun is larger than the moon [2]. is usually written as the sun is larger than the moon.[2][?]Y--
TonyTheTiger (
t/
c/
bio/
WP:CHICAGO/
WP:LOTD)
17:00, 19 January 2008 (UTC)reply
Good work! Just needs some quotations directly cited and a few tweaks. I also have some concerns about the weight given to his testimony against DeBartolo
Same section, beef bowl subsection. The first two quotes need citations
Same section, Big Chill subsection, if the parenthetical remarks were in the quote in ()'s, they should stay that way. If they are parenthetical remarks you've added in, they need to be in []'s. Switched to brackets.Y--
Cbl62 (
talk)
16:27, 28 January 2008 (UTC)reply
Same section, quitters subsection. The quotations need citations on them. See
WP:CITE. I know it's a pain, but them's the rules, especially for quotations for living people.Y--
Cbl62 (
talk)
16:29, 28 January 2008 (UTC)reply
Business career section, the first paragraph is a bit skimpy. Was he a sportscaster for TV or radio? How long did he stay with that�?
Same section and subsection, first DeBartalo in the next to last and last section. Also, are these two sentences relating issues that happened after the trial? If so, they should probably be moved to later in the section. Otherwise the reader is confused and may think that DeBartolo was a convicted felon BEFORE the trial.
Same section and subsection, make the usage of DeBartalo consistent.Y
Same section and subsection, I'd rather see the items that Muransky testified to worked into prose.Also, it's a bit of
WP:UNDUE with this big long list of things he testified to, which takes up almost as much space as the section on his time as a NFL player. Consider condensing, especially as it doesn't appear that Muransky was directly involved in the corruption.
Same section and subsection, the last two paragraphs are choppy and short. Consider condensing or expanding. If you move the bits about the Board down here (where I suspect they belong chronologically) that'll help.Y--
TonyTheTiger (
t/
c/
bio/
WP:CHICAGO/
WP:LOTD)
17:11, 28 January 2008 (UTC)reply
External links section, I prefer the link be "Muransky Statistics at (website)" but that's a personal preference. It just looks better and more professional to my eyes. I won't hold the article back on this, though.
I'd nix the Bo picture, it's not really needed and might be pushing fair use. Again, though, Im not an expert on this, I think I've used two fair use pictures in all my articles combined (grins).
Overall, the usual good work I've come to expect. I have a few concerns about the weight of the testifying section compared to the rest of the article, just because he wasn't convicted of anything, or charged. Need to make sure all direct quotations are cited directly, and that you get the usage of DeBartalo consistent, that's the big things.
I've put the article on hold for seven days to allow folks to address the issues I've brought up. Feel free to contact me on my talk page, or here with any concerns, and let me know one of those places when the issues have been addressed. If I may suggest that you strike out, check mark, or otherwise mark the items I've detailed, that will make it possible for me to see what's been addressed, and you can keep track of what's been done and what still needs to be worked on.
Ealdgyth |
Talk17:43, 21 January 2008 (UTC)reply
I tweaked a few things in the lede, and changed the Professional football sections around a bit to fit better with the rest of the organization of the article. Do those work for ya'll? If you approve of them, it's a pass. Just want to make sure that I've not stepped on toes here before I pass.
Ealdgyth |
Talk17:33, 28 January 2008 (UTC)reply
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