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Reviewer: Pickersgill-Cunliffe ( talk · contribs) 10:03, 22 August 2022 (UTC) reply

I'll get to this shortly. Pickersgill-Cunliffe ( talk) 10:03, 22 August 2022 (UTC) reply

Prelim

  • I have replaced the image. Zawed ( talk) 09:08, 23 August 2022 (UTC) reply
  • Earwig reports no copyvio

Lede and infobox

  • "achieved a number of aerial victories until his death on 20 August." suggest stating the exact number of victories here
  • I've rephrased the lead to deal with another issue you noted below. Zawed ( talk) 10:29, 8 September 2022 (UTC) reply
  • "before being killed in action" instead of "until his death"
  • Service years has its own parameter in the infobox
  • Well duh, I know that! Facepalm Facepalm. Added. Zawed ( talk) 10:29, 8 September 2022 (UTC) reply
  • Lede currently reads like he was part of No. 65 Sqn when he was killed
  • Rephrased and mentioned D-Day as well. Zawed ( talk) 10:29, 8 September 2022 (UTC) reply

Early life

  • Not sure exactly what the "1930 school athletic sports" were, but if it was just a school-wide competition I think his second place in the high jump and cricket ball throwing skills are probably a little trivial - saying he was a successful sportsman might be more appropriate
  • I've trimmed this - that was added by another editor and I agree that it is somewhat trivial to mention it here. Zawed ( talk) 10:37, 8 September 2022 (UTC) reply
  • Is Marlborough a place that could be linked?

Second World War

  • Could add nickname to infobox
  • "on 5 March 1940" awkward reading when you've discussed dates in 1940 without including the year before this
  • Rejigged some of the mentions of date and dropped the year here. Zawed ( talk) 10:45, 8 September 2022 (UTC) reply
  • Ibid next sentence year repetition
  • He trained on Hurricanes; was this what 238/601/1 Sqns flew?
  • Did he see combat/service with 601?
  • Have add mention of one sortie. Zawed ( talk) 01:44, 10 September 2022 (UTC) reply
  • I know we've discussed exact dates for promotions and the like in the past; I think it would be useful to know how soon after his first kill he was promoted. This would all be a lot easier if the London Gazette had carried all the promotions..!
  • Have mentioned more precisely the time of promotion. I haven't put the precise date as one thing I try to do with fighter pilot articles, which I find are often "date heavy" is to vary the language for expressing dates - so if an exact date is in the same or near sentence, I often will say week/month later rather than an exact date. Zawed ( talk) 01:44, 10 September 2022 (UTC) reply
  • What are we considering a "tour of operations" to be?
  • I actually don't know for sure. I *think* it is about 12 months but that may depend on how many sorties were flown in that period as well. Zawed ( talk) 01:44, 10 September 2022 (UTC) reply
  • You provide the associated RAF station for some of his squadrons but not all? E.g. 601, 60 OTU, 485
  • You're very selective about which units get put on the infobox list and which don't; what's your criteria?
  • The period of service with some squadrons were quite brief and don't, to my mind, justify going into the infobox. I have put the major ones in though. Zawed ( talk) 01:44, 10 September 2022 (UTC) reply
  • What did 222 fly?
  • Suggest noting that CGS was at Sutton Bridge
  • AFDU flew some interesting stuff; are there any more details about what he was doing during the collision flight (and can you say when it was)?
  • Have added the date, but nothing else is available. Zawed ( talk) 02:18, 10 September 2022 (UTC) reply
  • Does he only serve at 1493 in June? When is he posted to 65?
  • Have added month of posting for 65. Zawed ( talk) 02:18, 10 September 2022 (UTC) reply
  • Move the Normandy link to first occurrence
  • "On 19 April" I assume that this is 1944 but you don't say for sure
  • Should be clear now that I have clarified his posting to 65; I think I may have intended to do this when writing up the article but forgot. Zawed ( talk) 02:18, 10 September 2022 (UTC) reply
  • Do we know what he was shot down by?
  • No info in the sources. Zawed ( talk) 02:18, 10 September 2022 (UTC) reply

References

  • References look good, all links work. Might suggest splitting ref. #12 but that's a very minor quibble
  • Have gone ahead and split the ref. Zawed ( talk) 02:19, 10 September 2022 (UTC) reply

@ Zawed: That's my initial run through finished. Per my earlier edit summary sincere apologies for taking so long on this. Pickersgill-Cunliffe ( talk) 16:07, 5 September 2022 (UTC) reply

@ Pickersgill-Cunliffe:, thanks for the thorough review. I have dealt with/responded to the various issues identified. Cheers, Zawed ( talk) 02:19, 10 September 2022 (UTC) reply
@ Zawed: Passing this article as satisfying the GA criteria. Pickersgill-Cunliffe ( talk) 13:02, 11 September 2022 (UTC) reply
Retrieved from " https://en.wikipedia.org/?title=Talk:Basil_Collyns/GA1&oldid=1109710512"

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