I didn't notice this on the first two regiments that I reviewed, but there's not a lot of context in the lede between enumerating all the battles that this one participated in. Mention why it fought those early engagements in Missouri, what was the Union doing that prompted those battles. No real detail needed, but a mention of any specific campaigns would be useful.
I've tried to improve this
There's enough meat here that I don't think that you really need to add any details on commanders being killed or about charges. I'd limit descriptions of the unit's participation to very general terms like heavily engaged, etc.
Done
Say that the regiment was transferred to MS to reinforce the defenses of Vicksburg and explain why it was transferred to Mobile.
Done
This is a big paragraph that could profitably be split when it goes to MS and when it's parolled
Done
Little's Brigade would be part of an attack Be more concise, "the brigade attacked Union troops arrayed..." or somesuch
Done
Colonel Rives moved to the front of the 3rd Missouri Infantry, leading a successful charge Ranks on first mention only "Rives led a successful charge from the front, which eventually bogged down as the attacking units became disorganized" or something similar
Rephrased
A Union counterattack then drove in the right flank of Little's Brigade. The brigade, including the 3rd Missouri Infantry, then retreated from the field. Awkward. Proximity alert for "then"; combine these two sentences since we already know that the regiment was in Little's Brigade
Done
Watch out for the missing geographic trailing commas: I see one for Pea Ridge, Arkansas
Done
Add more context for the battles after Pea Ridge
Done
experienced artillery fire, but did not enter the main action awkward
Rephrased
heavy action -> heavily engaged
Fixed
Transition/context needed between Grand Gulf, Port Gibson and Champion Hill
Done
The Union line was also accompanied by five artillery batteries merge with previous sentence and rephrase along the lines of ", reinforced by five artillery batteries"
Done
What happened to Gause before Champion Hill? Don't save that for the Commanders section. And Hubble after the consolidation?
Nothing happened to Gause, he was still in charge. Hubbell was actually in charge of the skirmisher detachment, I've made that clearer. Hubbell was mortally wounded at Champion Hill, which is mentioned in the article.
"made X" is passive voice. A simple "charged" or "counterattacked" is much more readable
Fixed all three instances I found
fell back from the ground they had taken "were forced to retreat"
No rush. Let me know whenever you've had a chance to respond. I only gave a quick skim to the 11th Missouri article, but it looks like it has some of the same sorts of problems. Ping me whenever you ready for me to take a more thorough look at that one as well.--
Sturmvogel 66 (
talk)
22:19, 28 June 2020 (UTC)reply
@
Sturmvogel 66: - I've responded to everything so far on this one. I've also added three maps to help with the context, I image trying to keep track of the geography would be bewildering for a reader to familiar with the American South otherwise. Is the added context satisfactory?
Hog FarmBacon05:03, 11 July 2020 (UTC)reply
The lede reads better, although don't use engage in close proximity. I'm fond of "played a minor role in" which might work for Farmingto; your call.
I fixed the close proximity of engage that I found (Iuka/Corinth)
attempt against the Confederate works replace with "attack" or similar
Done
another Confederate attempt to stop Major General Ulysses S. Grant's advance against Vicksburg, Mississippi on May 16. Champion Hill was another Confederate defeat, Suggestion only: you could combine these by adding "unsuccessful" to the first sentence and then start the next one with the regiment being routed.
Done. I think it reads better that way
"the" Confederate rear guard
Done
fortifications
Oops. Fixed
Don't think that we need to enumerate the senior officers in the lede.
Removed
During the fighting, the 3rd Missouri Infantry charged successfully, led from the front by Rives.[5] However, the attacking lines became disorganized, and the forward movement of the charge was eventually stopped. Combine these two sentences
Done
link cannonade or bombardment
Piped link bombardment where cannonade is used, as
Cannonade is an article about a horse.
Lots of duplicate links, especially in the lede. There's a script at
User:Evad37/duplinks-alt that you can install to check for that if you don't already have it.
Fixed the ones the tool caught. Apparently I'd linked Vicksburg four times
homemade hand grenades; howzabout "impromptu" instead of homemade